Me, being the Hardcore thug bitch that I am, start screaming bloody murder. My useless cat, Whitey Bulger, is Deaf.. and asleep in the middle of the floor. I'm freaking out.. I tried to kick him.. He still won't wake his lazy ass up.
My friend, who was asleep in the spare bedroom (thank god), runs in & unplugs my computer.. Thinking I'm getting electrocuted. UGH.. The bat is zooming around his head, yet I can't form sentences at this point to tell him anything.. or at least anything that makes sense.
Now.. This thing was BIG. I actually thought it may have been a bird. Idk.. either way - NOT WELCOME. However, this wasn't exactly my ideal way for him to exit, either.
FINALLY.. He notices it... although I felt he didn't notice it quick enough.. Like he looked at it and it took him awhile to register what was going on.. I mean c'mon. Yes you were sleeping. But IT IS A BAT.. AND IT IS IN THE HOUSE.. FLYING RIGHT BY YOUR HEAD! He didn't have quite the same reaction as, sayyyy, ME =) ... wutevrrr.. STFU. it was SCARY.
He grabs a blanket and catches it in one toss.. [lucky throw]
I almost can breathe.. and my shouting, while not completely coming to a halt, is yet significantly reduced to a whimper... as he goes to find a container or whatever...
Then, The Rifleman enters the scene, my other cat (who i usually call Alfy - idk where that came from, but ya, thats what i call him).. it's so lovely how my cats are always right on time to not be of any service to me what-so-ever...
Oh.. Shit.. Wait. Alfy did do something.. I forgot.
As I am trying to get my heart started again... my wonderful CAT... tries to get underneath the BLANKET to see what's going on... ya know, since he missed it all.... And he, Ultimately, lets the damn Bat loose... and at this point I am still unclear as to what the hell it is.. A bird, bat,.. Helicopter for all I know. But yes. The Cat.. Let the Bat out of the Bag. :/ ..that was lame, sorry. Lol.
Then.. UGHHGHG... Then this poor bastard bat smacks right into the ceiling fan.. The turned ON ceiling fan.. GROSS. I'm getting the heebie jeebies just thinking about it.
So ya the shit literally hits the fan.. It sounds like a baseball bat (no pun intended this time, I swear lol).. I see blood splatter as this thing gets delivered right over to me... and slides right in front of me... ok I now know that it is, indeed, A BAT. Have I stopped screaming yet? No, not for a second.. I have not once stopped my screaming.. So you can imagine how bad things escalated, when its RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, bleeding, Flopping All Over the Place... I don't know how bad its hurt... so I have mixed feelings of pity for him and sheer terror.... Mostly terror.
So, my current position is under my desk, using my laptop as a shield... like, good move using a the crazy expensive piece of machinery that I just got last week as a barrier of sorts.
Whitey's up now, of course,,.. All the hard work is done, so he just wants to take the credit.. But Whitey's no dumb ass. This thing is so big that he's kind of doubting that he even wants to fuck with it... Alfy isn't.. He is all about it. Every time he takes I swat at it, I (take a wild guess) scream louder.. And since this cat isn't deaf, just neurotic, he keeps looking at me like WTF.
Now my friend comes over and hits it with my shoe.... MY SHOE... [note: this is the only time I truly stopped my horror movie yowling].. And say "My shoe? WTF." lol. So after I get the death look, he goes and gets something else..... I resume my shrieking.
Then I remember thinking that perhaps I should not have said anything about the shoe... as he walks back in with my tennis racquet.
OMG and this thing would not die either. You have no idea. I saw and heard things... that will haunt me for the rest of my days. I AM TRAUMATIZED.
I now have a new respect for the phases "BATSHIT CRAZY" and "THE SHIT HIT THE FAN"
..And NO, I do not have a voice left.. In case you were wondering.
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